1. Quick update

    Thankyou for all your messages, I think turning off anon was the best decision I made because now I don’t dread opening my messages.

    Last night was horrible but mum sat with me and held my hand until j went to sleep.
    Today’s not much better but I’m trying.

    Really couldn’t do this without you all❤️❤️

     
  2. billboardbaggins:

    You will body check all the time. You will confirm that your thumb and middle finger still touch when you wrap them around your thigh, and when they cannot, you will feel ugly.

    You will feel jealous of the people who are not going through recovery. You will scrutinise their goal weights and wonder how much lighter you would be if you hadn’t told someone. You will feel profoundly stupid.

    You will go to weigh yourself and find that your parents have taken the scales away. You will estimate, then, using how far your stomach sticks out, and how many times your arms jiggle when you shake them.

    You will begin to enjoy eating again. When you realise this, you will be overcome with a guilt so strong you will lie on the floor and cry for two hours. This will repeat at least once a week.

    You will consider bulimia. You will stare into the toilet and stick two fingers down your throat and vomit nothing but your feelings up into the bowl. You will give up but never stop thinking about it.

    You will absentmindedly touch your collarbones. When they begin to become less prominent, you will stare at yourself in the mirror and cry. Your parents think it is out of anger, but it is really out of grief.

    You will recover, too, eventually. You will live. But first you have to die a hundred thousand times.

    This made me cry

    So accurate

    (via having-biscuits-with-my-tea)

     

  3. Thankyou all for your amazing messages ❤️ I really wish I could just lock the world out and stay in ‘tumblr world’ forever…

    I guess I’m just struggling so much with the stress of exams, I’ve had three panic attacks again tonight just thinking about them. I also think it could’ve contributed to loosing weight because of the sheer amount of anxiety I’m constantly in?
    Idk but I’m just so torn because I want to pass the exams I don’t want to re sit the year but I’m scared they will push me over the edge and the edge isn’t far away 😭😭😭 why can’t I just be fucking normal 😔

     
  4. Sorry for the fat face double chin massive nose and gross skin but I can’t put into words why tonight I’m struggling so much so I decided to make a video.

    Don’t worry I promise I won’t do anything I’m with mum I’m just so tired.
    And I’ll delete this in like 10 minutes don’t worry you won’t have to see my ugly face or hear my gross voice again

     
     

  5. TW

    Can’t fucking do this anymore I’m such an obese cow and I keep eating and my stomach hurts so badly tonight I’ve been in tears for the past hour because it hurts so bad and I need to take some paracetamol but I can’t trust I’ll only take two and I’ve been trying to do my coursework and it’s not done and everyone will shout and exams are two weeks away and I can’t do them but I have to otherwise I’m a faliure and I just want to run away or sleep and just get away from everything because my heads a mess but I can’t do anything because mums always watching me and idk what to do I just don’t want to do life anymore and my hearts gone crazy again and it hurts and urghhhhhfjfnvjdmv
    I don’t want to wake up Tomorrow. But I’ll have to. And I’ll have to do it all over again.

     

  6. why is everything i do always wrong why can i not just say something without people calling me an attention seeker or selfish why cant i just be myself oh wait because no one likes me i dont blame them i hate me sorry ill shut up im a stupid fat cow and i dont deserve friends or support i dont i dont i dont i deserve pain and starvation and death i dont deserve love i jjust ruin everything fucking idiot fiuerhgoiubtvibsriutngvo;vf

     

  7. teacupsofcats asked: you do whatever the fuck you want darling, don't listen to that little shit. i love you more than anything okay? don't be frightened, hanging on for so long is exhausting, and if you slip and fall that isn't your fault at all, and i'll be right there with a little ladder to catch your hand and help you up again over and over and over until you can finally see the sunshine again. honestly. i've got so much faith in you. xxx

    this actually made me cry. just going to reiterate a certain point here ” if you slip and fall that isnt your fault at all, and ill be right there with a little ladder to catch your hand and help you up over and over until you can finally see the sunshine again”

    that is just beautiful, beautiful just like you. thankyou xxxxxxx

     

  8. Anonymous asked: Hi sweetheart. I wanted to tell you not to listen to all these assholes who have no idea what you're going through. Eating is absolutely fucking terrifying for someone recovering. I know. I understand. I want you to know that I have so much respect for you and I truly wish you the best. Please, please, don't do anything because of these harmful idiots. They're just really cruel people. You're beautiful. Stay strong. <3

    thankyou so much for this. i have to say the person who sent me those must be soooo uneducated about mental illness its terrifying. i hope one day they either ge taught, or grow up and do some research. afterall, isnt it something like 1 in 3 people experience mental health issues? EVERYONE KNOWS SOMEONE. so to the anon, when that someone is someone you deeply care about, maybe youll rethink your cruel and heatless actions. xxx

     

  9. beccarediscoversbecca asked: It actually makes me feel physically sick reading what some anons are saying. I'm going to fucking reblog my video that tells you all to fucking consider people because guess what, we exist. You don't deserve any crap given to you. You are a brave girl who has come so far and who I would hate to see relapse under such harsh words given by others. Love you darling x

    do you know why i love this message quite so much? 

    "guess what, we exist"

    people can be so cruel online because they forget we are actual people. WELL HELLO ANONS MY NAME IS FIONA IM INCREDIBLY VUNERABLE SO PLEASE DONT SEND ME MESSAGES TELING ME TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I CANOT PROMISE THAT WHAT I HOPE WAS MEANT AS A JOKE MAY TURN INTO REALITY.

    dont worry becca, i would never relapse over a cowards words. love you so much girly xcxxxxx

     

  10. BECAUSE LAUREN. WOW. ILYSM <3 <3 those anons need to read this.

    FUCKING ANONS - FUCK OFF. If Fiona really did overdose you’d be so so so so sorry. We wouldn’t just lose a friend, we’d lose a freaking amazing special girl who inspires us all through the tough times, cheers us on, keeps us sane, helps us out. We’d lose a beautiful, respectful, kind girl who is deeply loved and cared about. Your family would lose out on a daughter/ sister/granddaughter/cousin who was the light of their lives, who’s smile lit up a room, who made them so so proud with her strength, determination and will power. Those anons would be kicking themselves with guilt over it. No ones life would be the same without you hun, it would be like a black hole, never ending and unable to be filled. A dent in reality which destroys us all. I never want to lose you to depression or ED or anything. Please keep fighting. If you need me, add me on facebook and message me on there or just send me a tumblr message and i’ll send you it or my mobile number bc if you ever feel an urge or need to do something i want to do everything in my power to stop you bc i am NOT losing you to this. Its not happening, im sorry Fiona. I know how tough it is, honestly. But there will be a point where suddenly it will begin to get lighter and the weight is lifted and it gets easier, i promise - even if it seems like it will be dark forever. I think you need to tell your mom about the OD, i promise it will be okay. She will help. Also if you ever need to talk dont ever ever hesitate to message me ever. I wont think youre ‘being annoying/boring/a fake/irritating’ or anything like that because i’ve been in this position before and still am. We will get through this and soon we will be sitting eating ice cream in the sun and choccies at christmas and cake at parties:’) we will do this together👊👊👊🙌💕💕💕

    lauren you are just amazing. i hope the anons read this.i hope they grow up and realise that their words hurt. but those cowards have nothing on the amazing people here <3 retrieving-the-real-me

     

  11. To all those people saying that suicide i selfish,

    Don’t you think its selfish to say something so heartless to someone who obliviously just needs support. 

    Don’t be a hypocrite, be there. 

     

  12. letsrediscoverkitty asked: I am sorry that things are so tough for you at the moment Fi, but I know that you can get through this; you are a fighter. It may feel like hell, but behind every grey cloud is a ray of sunshine. Things won't always feel this bad. Recovery takes time. Please keep fighting, please never give up. I am always here for you xxxx “A lesson for all of us is that for every loss, there is victory, for every sadness, there is joy, and when you think you’ve lost everything, there is hope.” ―Geraldine Solon

    kitty you are amazing *hugs* :) everyone whos struggling needs to read this, its just perfect xxxx

     

  13. recovery-wizard asked: Please, please, please don't listen to those horrible anons. You are not ANY of those things, you are an amazing, individual human being. Please do not overdose, things may seem hard now but they will get better. "Don't make a permanent decision for a temporary emotion" Next time you feel like the world isn't worth living for or you feel the urge to hurt yourself, remember people care about you. I'm always here to listen/rant to <3

    posting this for that quote “dont make a permanent decision for a temporary emotion”

    thankyou, thankyou so much for this. i need to remeber people do love me even if they shouldnt ew why do people like me im a stupid fat ugly coiw mergh and i will stay strong for them. thankyou xxxx

     

  14. heyleyundecided asked: Whoa whoa whoa anons!! Why this hate on such an amazing girl. She never hurts you and if you don't like what she writes on her blog, let me say that again, her blog, well I suggest you unfollow and back off of her. She is doing a lot of hard work in recovery and she doesn't need your lies, your meanness, or your poor attitude. You're so wonderful Fiona. Don't listen to these death, hate, ED, bullying worshipers.

    OH DE THANKYOU 

    lets just reiterate a key point made here ” UNFOLLOW AND BACK OFF HER ”  i really dont understand why you dont just UNFOLLOW rather than sending such cruel messages?! THANKYOU XXXXX

     

  15. thosepaperairplanes asked: What the fuck is wrong with you guys? She's not and attention seeker so stop this bullshit and leave her alone. I know you're strong, you're fucking beautiful don't listen to them

    T.H.A.N.K.Y.O.U you are AMAZING xxxx